Death will defeat a cutter

Im like a black hole
i take in everything
the pain never stops
i took up cutting
when things went bad
and i did it for over 2 years
and no one even cared
one time i cut way to deep
on purpose though
i just wanted to die
my mother did not even cry
when she found me laying in a pool of my crimson red blood
she just stared at me with dissapointment
but of course i was saved
i still did it anyone
no one check, or cared
today i have been cut free for 53 days 5 hours and 30 minutes
i only stopped because i met someone
that meant alot to me and they helped me through it
but now i do elastic snap
and all the time i think about going back to cutting
i now have someone very special in my life
and they see me for me
not the person that i used to be
they are the first one not to be freaked out
i love him for that
but i fear that i can not prevent this feeling
this is the feeling i had when i needed to cut
right now i just wanna die
it would make everyone in the world happy
no one would even cry
i just should not even bother to try