No more Control

The flashes of death,
I constantly see,
They feel so real,
All around me,

They come unannounced,
One minute I’m happy and aware,
Of everything in the room,
The next I’m out not noticing if people stare,

It’s as if I leave and come back,
Minutes or hours after,
I wonder where the time goes,
Then it happens faster and faster,

I can't stop it,
They won’t leave me alone,
In a broken house,
It doesn't help being alone,

I’ll cut in my unconscious mind,
Come back and see blood,
Not knowing where it came from,
This red flood,

I don’t understand,
Why I can't control my actions,
But I guess you’re not meant to,
When you have depression.

©Samantha Jayne Reed
Wrote on July 20th, 2005