Why Must I Be Like This

So I met you on-line,
Thought you are a sweet guy,
Then I fall for you,
I felt something I never felt before,
People say don't fall for it,
Yet I still do,
I know I'm still young,
And I know theres more guys out there,
But you just caught my eye,
We talk on the phone for hours,
I tell you how I feel,
Yet it feels like I'm getting played with,
I don't wanna feel pain,
I don't know if I want to loose my virginity yet,
I'm still young,People say I'm young to know what love is,
Am I in love or am I just mistaking?,
I don't want to get hurt,
When I think about how guys play girls to get some,
I think your doing the same,
Maybe I made a mistake of telling you I liked you,
I have a gently heart,
I'm easy to get hurt,
Every time I talk to you and I say something I always feel like a wh0re,
I hate feeling like that,
My thoughts are confusing me,
I'm confusing myself,
I don't know if I want to do the things I said I wanted too,
Now as I think about it I feel like crying,
I've been put down my whole life,
And you tell me I'm beautiful,
I'm mostly use to be called wh_r_, white trash or a s-l_t,
I'm put down so many times,
The only way for me to relax is to cut,
I take the blade and as i drag the blade across my skin,
I start to have a smile on my face,
I know it sounds sick,
I know it's not healthy,
But that's really the only way for me to survive,
Tonight I bled to much,
I wrote my name in my own blood,
I know this may sound sick,
But what I think of myself,
Is cold hearted, Wh_r_, I'm worth nothing, I'm never respected,
And I just want to die,
I hate feeling this way,
I hate the way I look,
I hate the way I act,
I hate me for me,
I want to die,
Don't worry,
Nobody will find my body,
Cause my body is already rotten as each day passes by,
Why was I born?
Why must I live?
Why can't I just take the blade and drag it across my vanes,
Am I scared?
Do I really want to die?
I always think what people tell me,
How beautiful and talented I am,
Yet I don't think I'm neither,
Maybe I am ready to die,
It's not like any one is going to miss me,
Maybe this isn't just a poem,
Maybe I might end my life tonight,
Maybe this feeling will pass me by,
But right now all I can do is,
Watch my blood drip from my wrist,
And my tears drip from my eyes,
I know I'm not worth anything,
I know tonight I should end my life,
I know.