Depression leads to...........

In this world of peril, you were the one person i believed i could turn to and be comforted, i believed you would make all my insecurities disappear before they ate my insides. you don't understand how much it hurts, being in depression, how the pain and hurt eats away at you until it is satisfied that your mind, body and soul are in so much pain that you would think of ending your life just to make it all go away, to make all the pain subside. you spend all your time thinking of ways to end it all, all the pain, the suffering, the anxiety. i believed you would be the one to make it all subside how come it hasn't gone away haven't i suffered enough pain? what can a person have possibly done to deserve this? all Ive ever wanted is somebody to want me to need me, to say they love me and mean it, but how do i know they mean it when i have no trust in anyone, or anything, how long how long does it take to regain years of of mistreatment and neglect will i ever get the trust back. you say you love me and in my head i don't believe you, but in my heart i want to who will win the ongoing battle of mind and heart? i cover up depression and sadness by being happy and bubbly because i don't want or need people's sympathy, people asking if I'm OK, if i need their help, if i needed it id ask. the act i put on is hard to keep up sometimes, i let my true feelings come through, the deep depression i hate so much, putting the act on makes it worse for me but stops people snooping.
i look like I'm fine but deep down i feel like I'm being ripped apart like never again will i be happy, i cant tell anyone i mean whats the point its not they understand what its like is it? so i just go on putting on a face until it gets too much

i see the blade so inviting just one cut and it'll go away just one cut it'll all be over JUST ONE CUT