I really enjoyed your poem but the father you wrote it seemed less interesting and didn't have as much "spirit" as the beginning. I loved your topic and message. One thing i noticed is you didn't use the same rhyme scheme and some words you rhymed again like- inside-side or they didn't rhyme at all. As a viewer patterns can be good as long as they are not repetitive and boring. i really liked it. hope i could help.

My poems do not and will never follow a specific set patterns for a distinct purpose, to make you actually take it in, it can be a little anoying, thats the idea, but I just refuse to follow anyone elses idea on flow and form since it is so limiting and stale, however there are some interesting idea's that I will take on board when I write all night till the morning comes and I can try to rest, thankyou.

very good darklore. :p 5 you have a gift with rhyming. yey u!

I think it's a good poem. Very sensitive. I liked it!

Wonderful poem as always, but then again I am just a little biased :)

Wow! the love. i really enjoyed reading this. keep up the good work.

Emma