Hey,

I thought that you did a good job at writing this poem. The only suggestion I have is, I think that it would be easier for the reader if you can place your comma's and periods, that way, the reader will be able to stop and know when it is a complete sentence and when your thought ended. All in all, You did excellent.

God Bless.
Libby

i liek how u made it a story type poem good work! xox fallen

great job girl keep it up!