Why I Am[NOT SLANG]

The pain an unbearable scream,
The cuts mindless lasting scars,
The days when you hit the lowest point,
And your only way out is to self harm,

To lower yourself to such a level,
To have gone through such trauma,
At this very year and the last,
Even from a distant memory,

You’ve done it for so long,
You now can't imagine life without it,
To restrain yourself each day,
From this deadly sin you commit,

Help is only a phone call away,
Or a friend of bf to talk to,
But it all seems too hard,
Or not worth the trouble,

I want to be able to open up to the world,
Share my thoughts and be helped through this time,
But year after year,
It becomes less of a crime,

I wish I could reach out to you,
I know I can trust you but the step is so hard,
Just to admit everything and still sound normal,
Without the 'oh my god' and 'what now',

What I’m really scared of,
Is how you may react?
Because everything I say seems so dramatic,
But it’s my life for a fact,

If we could sit down and talk,
Face to face one on one,
Push out my past from within my lips,
Then maybe people could understand,

Why I am the way I am.

©Samantha Jayne Reed
Wrote on July 24th, 2005