Why {(resubmitted+changed around)}

I just want to slit my wrist . . .
just once
it wont do anything . . .
just maybe, hopefully kill me slowly
i don't know why. . .
its a thought i cant seem to get rid of
and yet its a thought i cant explain

thats not selfish is it?
I'm taking away everyones pain, no?
I'm taking away the pain of my mother, who never wanted me
the pain of my father, who all it seems like is i bring him problems and who too didn't want me
the pain of my ex-boyfriend, that way he doesn't have to deal with me period. . . so that i can just leave him alone like he wants me to
i jut want to make everyone happy and i cant seem to do that no matter how hard i may try, every single day of my life i can never seem to make that one wish, the wish for everyone to be happy with me or to love me, come true . . .

why?
why?
why?
wh-

i love you all.
enjoy life like i will not
think of me when your all out having a good time
live life to the fullest
don't EVER mourn for me

don't mourn my death
don't cry at my wake or funeral
don't wear black, wear white
celebrate my death

you know guys. . . i was re-reading my poems an comments people left an i read this poem again, i started crying . . .i don't know why but i did, i feel like this is the only answer an even though i know it wont help or do any good i just want to (it may sound weird or bad) but everyone i love seems like they don't care anything about me an especially my ex-love which really put these emotions into full blast with all the hurtful, mean, negative things he's said. . . so maybe this isn't such a bad idea to carry through . . . . . . .