Pictures...

No matter what I do,
or how hard I try.
I know when I look at you,
I'm worthless in your eyes...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The pain described in these words, isn't enough to show you what I feel.
I just keep pretending it was all a bad dream, but deep inside I know it was real.
My head throbs in pain from the tears Ive cried...
thinking back I wonder just how many times you lied.
Those i love yous,
they were fake,
just like the rest of you.
Don't tell me its not enough,
I cant try any harder than I already do..
I stare at all these pictures,
of my family,of my past.
We all looked so happy, why couldn't it just last?
Suddenly i remind myself of how those pictures were a game.
We would play pretend its perfect,
so in the end theres no one to blame.
But in pictures there aren't memories, no one million words to share
in those pictures you cant see my pain and the weight i had to bear.
I held up that family,
kept her secret safe with me,
the second you walked in that door,
her mask hid what i could see.
She would smile and laugh,
asking you about you're day at work.
But her secret still remained,
in my memories it will lurk.
She used to tell me if I told that she would come back for me.
The threats, the lies and empty promises,
everything you couldn't see....
I guess the rain can hide behind those clouds, that doesn't mean its still not there..
all those times id asked you for help..
just assuming you would care...

(Id always wondered why you never helped me...you just said i never knew.. but how could you not know? all those bruises...? scars...all those bloodstains...? and you say you never knew..? you were just the man who came home every night to save my life..and never knew it...)