The lack of words seemed to rob you of the whole story. It had a few good points here the wording was good but not too much on creating an image in your readers mind. I think if you gave it more background the poem would be more enjoyable. Just a thought keep writing you will get there...

i like the last few lines the best, keep up the good work, you have really great talent in your poems. this one sounds like a song lol:)

You have a great poem here. :) But it seems to me like it's a song. Still, it's good.