Horrible Misery

Can you hear the thoughts inside my mind?
All my feelings you cannot find.

I’m living on the edge, wit thoughts of dread,
And thoughts of how I cut and bled.

These thoughts are emotional, yet much more than I can take,
But my secrets can’t be released, for there’s too much at stake.

My tears seem to fall because I’m not strong,
It took me awhile to see what I was doing was wrong.

I was hurting the people who really loved me,
Though I just could not seem to see.

I got suicidal every night as I would sit on my bed,
Then I would get out my razor blade and suddenly I’d see red.

The red ribbons flowing freely down my arm,
Releaving my inner pain with this coping mechanism called self-harm.

I have never shown anyone my cuts or scars,
But I know I can’t fix my problems by a wishing jar.

I know the pain that’s deep inside my soul,
Leaving my thoughts completely out of control.

My suicidal feelings brings tears to my eyes,
Just from the thoughts of wanting to die.

More than twice I have wanted to end my life,
By drugs, an overdose, or even a knife.

Even though I have people who care about me dearly,
Who pray I’ll get better so desperately.

I have stopped cutting at least for the moment,
Yet I’m afraid that into my cutting stages I’ll once again be sent.

I’m more messed up than I was before,
My heart is fragile and already tore.

Though I think that I’ll survive,
If I can keep myself alive.

So in my thoughts you’ll see my depressive memory,
Revealing to the world my horrible misery…

~Madison Leigh~ July 26th 2005