Nightmares of my Past

Does it ever amaze you,
that i turned into the exact person you despised?
There isn't a thing a wouldn't do to go back and put up a fight.
I wish i could have torn back at every curse word you swore!
i wish i could've drown you in that cheap perfume you always wore!
how do even manage to sleep with yourself at night?
How do you ignore the way you mercilessly beat at my young life?
Keep telling yourself it never happened,
lie and say it was just a dream!
I'm so sorry "Mama"
your nightmare is more than what she seems.
One day I'll let you see,
exactly how i feel,
try and walk away mom,
its not a dream now,
this is real.
One day ill fight back,
one day soon you'll see,
how my scars still hurt
and just what you did to me!
At night i still dream of all the things you'd done,
after taking my young life,
you'd always turn around and run...
you took away my childhood,
i grew up way too fast,
now I'm still running in the nightmares from my past.
I wish that i could put you through the hell you made me live,
but you took away everything,
i have nothing left to give..
you turned them all against it,
made them think it was always me.
I watched them turn their backs to the things they refused to see.
Take off the mask,
for once tell the truth,
stop running from me,
cuz eventually it'll all catch up with you.
I admit it,
i once begged for the love you showed them,
but you kept on beating,
leaving me in the hell,
i was condemned!
Look into my eyes,
don't tell me you cant see,
damned right I'm still scared of all the hatred now in me.
I know its been years,
i know your gone for good,
but think about it "mom"
back then you wouldn't have stop,
even if you could...
I look at me now,
did you think that I'd forget?
you think i hold a grudge?
i haven't even started yet!
Then i just told myself:
"soon i know she'll quit.."
but you wouldn't and you could,
its just a game isn't it?
I always tried my hardest,
just to earn your love,
but nothing was ever good enough,
its like I was never good enough!
You cant tell me i didn't try,
there was nothing i wouldn't do,
i wouldn't let my hope die,
well CONGRATULATIONS!
you killed that too...
well now those times are over,
my nightmares,
far from through...
although i still cry,
no tears fall for you...
Now you tell them you love me,
its a lie,
it'll never last,
to me you're just a memory,
a nightmare of my past...