These Things I Dare Not Speak

There’s one thing I can do nothing about
And that’s the presence of her in you life
Which completes the many reasons
Why, once again, I decided to grab that lonesome knife.
I knew we were not together
But when you started to ignore me, I reached for that blade
And if ripped my heart open further
Because I knew it was her you’d rather save.
She’s a part of your life now
And I completely understand
But why did you have to blow me off
Like it’s what you already had planned.
I know you just used me
I knew it right from the start
But to say you never cared about me
It just tears apart my heart.
And even worse than the tears on my face
I now have cuts and scars lying on my pale arm
In a perfect row
Because I fell for your charm.
The same charm you used
To get me into bed
But now instead of crying tears
I cut myself instead.
Not because I choose to
But to relieve the problems in my everyday life
And if it was not for the complications I’ve had
I don’t think I would’ve grabbed that knife
I can’t blame it on my depression anymore
These things I feel inside
Because from these scars
I can no longer hide.
So as I cut these slits again
And all the scars reappear
My pain starts to fade away at least for now
As I realize my worst fear.
You never really cared
And you never gave a damn
I knew deep down in my heart
But at first it was me who didn’t understand. That how many things I felt about you
Would never be returned
So here I’ll show you my every sin committed
Where every cut may have it’s own lesson to learn.

~Madison Leigh~ March 20th 2005