Great work, you had some really powerful lines. Something that might help is just to break free from a structure and just let emotion guide the way. Eventually, you will have your own, unique style. Another thing is to be careful of your punctuation. You don't need set places. Join it all together as if it was a story ad then go through and punctuate where you need to end a sentence or start a new paragraph.
Remember the best poem is a unique poem that comes from the heart!
Keep your head up!
Luv kt