Imagining my suicide

I sat in the car and watched the rain
music was playing, greenday again
I thought of jumping, of my tragic death
but I worried I wouldn't die, it would be a mess
I thought of lying on the tarmac having jumped
and continuing to breathe as my heart still thumped
I imagined my eye liner running down my face
I imagined the reaction to me dying in that place
I thought of the beauty of this tragic death
with the rain and running make up
and then people being upset
I thought of the reasons people would give
searching for answers, why I don't want to live
and as the rain hammered on, numbing my brain
I wished I had the guts, and thought it through again
I thought of landing and of what it would mean
I imagined lying dead, and of the people who'd've seen
I worried there were no buses, so I wouldn't be found
that I would die totally alone,
blood mixing with rain, merging on the ground