To my beloved self
by Jennifer RIP Lesthat Hayden Jul 30, 2005
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To my beloved broken self |
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Latest Comments
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16 years ago
Great poem very strong well writtenh
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17 years ago
And the first lines, I stopped reading.W
Why?
You violated three rules of top poetry in three lines.
First off: In the first two lines, you use "self" twice, and in the first three lines, you used "sent" twice.
You're repeating yourself <way> too much.
Second off: Sending a knife through your heart is oh-so cliche! Kill the cliche!
And third off, you don't have any form, no rhyming or flow almost, and it's just bad.
Also, in <all> of your poetry, you're missing punctuation. That is really important; it helps the flow immensly.
Sorry, Jennifer. I don't mean to sound mean, I'm just honest and trying to help.
xTheEcstasyofSuicidex 2.5 -
17 years ago
by Goran Rahim
Oh, this was greatly written poem, you have done a great job.
keep up the great work dear. -
17 years ago
by Mo
That was really good. I liked the line of thought you took the reader on - from you harming yourself because of others to you haunting and wishing harm to the others that didn't help you. Liked how you repeat the first two lines throughout. Very effective.
Mo -
18 years ago
Awesome poem and keep writing...i like ur outlook on urself and ur misery..i kno that sounds mean but i mean it in a good way..u can express how much u love or hate urself so easily...
love ya lots,
sore
