Consequences

by Lenny   Jul 31, 2005


The end is nigh,
the task is done,
your part is played,
you may move on,

There is no need,
for you to stay,
and yet,
you do not go away,

Your notice given,
your head knows none,
is this not what,
you still want done?

Your mind has fallen,
into the trap,
curiosity is a
will-full chap.

You must depart,
the orders given,
its do or die,
this or prison.

But you cannot,
leave 'till you find,
an answer to apease,
your mind.

You venture back,
with regrets fore-warning,
but you cannot stand,
to wait 'till morning.

The doors swing,
as through them you scamper,
seeking refuge,
behind a hamper,

You dodge past those,
with questions aimed,
past all else to,
that your mind has claimed

Finally you reach,
your destination,
the path has lead,
to the temptation.

You take a bite,
of the fruit forbidden,
and all is revealed,
that before was hidden.

This knowledge,
you do now possess,
you wish you could,
have wanted less,

For the secret,
that you now must keep,
will make you smile,
will make you weep,

Will claim your mind,
could wilt a rose,
if only to leave,
was the option you chose...

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by Bret Higgins

    This poem fails for me for two reasons.

    Firstly the subject matter; a secret. We have no idea what the secret is remotely related to other than it is oxymoronic in nature. Now this works a lot of the time, but the piece is so long that I felt there was no pay off at the end.

    Secondly this feels like a rough draft. There is some needless repetition when I already know you're smart enough to make each line individual.

    When you give an idea a frame, the structure has to stand up throughout. There are areas where it feels like you start to wander because there is a word or rhyme you want to keep and are not willing to give it up for something that may fit the bill more adequately.

    My challenge to you is to print this poem and read the whole piece out loud. Identify the areas that do not flow, feel forced or are just plain clunky and then re-write it.

    I know you can turn this into something more substantial.

    Bret

  • 19 years ago

    by Drew Gold

    I loved this,.. your second i've read and i honestly am looking forward to more,.. your work is so vivid and flows so well.. i can relate to this, as ive had problems with the law. i always chose to run away from the consequences, my problems; metaphorically.. with drugs or literally, actually running away from the law... i havent been to prison, as im still legally a juvenile, but i have been "locked up" yet i still dont seem to learn.. goodjob,.. pZ out

  • 19 years ago

    by Raven Roth

    I vote on your's you vote on mine.

  • 19 years ago

    by Manda

    nice one. keep up the good work.

    ~Manda

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