Sugar Coated Smiles

It's something I’ve come to do well…
Smiling on the outside,
Crying within the barriers of my flesh.
Although it seems impossible it's true.
And now I really am at a loss
As to what I am supposed to do.
You don't see the pain.
I hide…
It's easier this way .
I'm sugarcoating everything to save your smile.
And keep you from worry.
And to make it seem like I will be okay.
I keep hoping but it's not enough
To drown my sorrows in chocolate milk.
And grin with tears streaming down my cheeks,
Soaking the front of my shirt.
And it hurts too much,
But I keep telling myself I’ll get through.
And maybe it will happen.
And then I can believe it.
Until then I hold on
To dreams that remain in another reality.
A realm, a plane
To which my body cannot travel.
Screaming through my eyes,
Which is nothing new,
Wishing I could be there with you.
To make my dreams come true.
And then we wouldn't worry.
And the pain would fall away.
And nightmares wouldn't claim my mind,
Every night before bed time.
And I don't remember happiness
But I know I feel it with you.
And can't let go I must
And when it gets to the end.
Where I can no longer hold on,
I promise for you I will stay strong.