what if..?
what if everything was different
and i was a different person
what if...?
what if that fight never happened
and you were still together
what if...?
what if you never betrayed my trust
and my soul was never broken
what if...?
what if you never said that lie
and i could still trust you
what if...?
what if we didn't say goodbye
and i still felt safe
what if...?
what if i never felt the pain of being used
and you didn't have to make excuses
what if...?
what if my family wasn't falling apart
and we were all picture perfect
what if...?
what if they never called me a w****
and i didn't believe it
what if...?
what if i didn't feel guilt every time i thought of "the good old days"
and we were still that cute perfect couple
what if...?
what if wasn't writing this poem
and merely reading it
what if...?
what if my world never turned gray
and you never doubted me
what if...?
what if those suicidal thoughts never crossed my mind
and i was the "happy child"
what if...?
what if i didn't have to pretend
and say i was happy or just tired
what if...?
what if you never went away
and i didn't miss you every moment
what if...?
what if i never had a broken heart
and i was carefree
what if...?
what if i never felt the desperation to be loved
and i could just go day by day without a worried thought
what if...?
what if i never moved away
and we were still as close as ever
what if...?
what if i never wanted to just give up
and i looked forward to tomorrow
what if...?
what if i never had to lie to myself about loving you
and i could just admit it
what if...?
what if you never loved me
and i never felt true love
what if...?
what if i never sat up on the phone all night talking about nothing at all
and still had fun doing it
what if...?
what if i never felt comfortable with you
and i didn't let you past my barrier
what if...?
what if i never felt that blade pass through my skin
and i didn't enjoy the feeling
what if...?
what if i never became addicted to that cutters high
and i didn't need it to pass the day
what if...?
what if i didn't have to hide my arms
and worry about peoples judgment
what if...?
what if i could walk proudly down the street
and not hold my head down in shame
what if...?
what if i ended it years ago
and i never wrote this poem
what if...?
what if i could go back to try again
and i wonder if it would be better
what if...?
what if i was never born to begin with
i wonder if life would be bearable
if even a few of these things were different
i just cant help but wonder...
