Still

Chilling tears still fall, defeating my disguise
Behind the smile is the sadness in these heartbroken eyes
Remembrance of his voice, the promises left unkept
The way my life is now, my heart refuses to accept
The words I believed and loved now sneer in my face
I'm locked away in my own chamber of pain and I can't return to that place
I still feel his hand on mine, his lips caressing my cheek
Our love was so innocent, so sweet and beautiful and meek
Illusions of him wanting me still are wishes and yet just fears
The song that he once sang in my ear now just causes me tears
His face haunts my dreams and taunts me in my wake
My heart begs for his love to return, at least for my sanity's sake
I still smile at things he had said not too many months ago
I recall when we first fell in love and wanted the world to know
I still talk about him sometimes, maybe even frequently
Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like if he were still in love with me
My ears ache and strain to hear his call
And then when there's no sound, my heart seems to tumble and fall
I still want to hold him, to touch him and kiss his lips
I cry and beg and desire for the touch of his fingertips
Dreams have been wasted, time gone fast
All the greatest moments in my life have seemed to have already passed
I know I should be thankful for the time I had with him
But the days ahead that never end seem so cold and grim
Life is meaningless without his soft, loving gaze
I still have people telling me that it was all just a phase
I still love the way he told me he loved me, I can hear it like it was yesterday
I miss the way we'd cuddle and plaugh and tickle and kiss and play
I still hate when people tell me it's over, even though I know it's true
And even though we had a year it still seems way too soon
I suppose if it lasted longer, the pain would just be worse
But I don't see how it could be deeper than this, how there could be a more cruel curse
I still cry occasionally, as I am right now
I want to move on and grow up, but by God I don't know how
I wish he would come back to his senses and realize that he's wrong
But I doubt it'll ever happen, he's already ended the song
I still have a twinge of ope that he'll come back one day
And that this time it won't end, he won't ever go away
All hopes and dreams have been crushed; died and disappeared
Everything that I'm encountering now is everything I've always feared
I somehow felt that he would eventually stop loving me
But I didn't see how that could be true, it just couldn't be
I still wish he were here, for one more day in bliss
Or even in the least, one more special kiss
But he's gone now, I guess I just have to wake up and face reality
Because my life and friends are drifting away and are far ahead of me
I still feel as though I'll never love again, at least not in the same way
It hurts inside and snickers at me each and every day
I wan to end my pointless life, wish the pain would go away
But there's nothing I'll ever be able to do, because I still love him to this day.