Your poem was good, you should try a rhyme scheme when you write the next one, it flows nicer that way.

it is good but it could flow a lil better but if you ment it to be free writting than it's perfect it has meaning and that makes it great!
xoxox BJ

In my opinion...i think you should put the ending in a different way..make it so its not soo much in a paragraph, you know??...nice job tho...
~Sandra~