Secrets and lying
Two things I’ve always hated
And at the same time
Two things I’ve always been good at
A lot has happened
In this short life of mine
The thing is
Hardly anyone
If anyone at all
Knows about any of it
Over the years
I’ve felt myself change
I know it’s normal
Everyone changes
It’s the natural way of life
But for me
Change was not the normal kind of change
Whatever that means
Keeping secrets all your life
Makes you become two separate people
You have the person everyone thinks they know
And the person you keep hidden away
The real you
And that’s how you start to forget
Who you really are
Because you’re always having to be
Someone else
I don’t like to keep hidden
I don’t do it for fun
I do it because I’m afraid
I’m afraid to put myself out there
To show others who I am
I’m afraid to left people see me
See what no one knows
See my past
What I try to forget
Everyday
I feel like I’m on the outside of a glass wall
And as I look in
I see all the people
The ones that are happy
The ones that have what I don’t
I hate to say that makes me jealous
Jealousy is stupid
Pointless
But I can’t lie—
I won’t lie—
And say that I don’t envy those people
I don’t want their material possessions
That’s not what I envy about them
It’s that they have what I’ll never have
They feel things I may never feel in my life
All I want is to be happy
Now
Things aren’t so bad
Confusing maybe
But not bad
I’m trying to start over
Everything is new to me
Refreshed
But with every new beginning
A dozen secrets follow me
And with them
A dozen problems
This doesn’t feel like my life
It doesn’t feel real
Nothing is right anymore
I’m a spectator in my own life
I’m a character
A character in a long
Complicated movie
And the twists just keep on coming
