Notes

Notes: Special things; intimate. I read the notes daily. His writing so graceful, elegant; yet manly.
His words like poetry along the lines. His thoughts clear, yet not blunt. Feelings wrapped in words. Special things.
To feel his writing is so amazing. Knowing what he felt and thought at the exact moment he wrote them.
In the notes, talking about nothing, yet everything at the same time. My sweet love for him grows more, with every word
I read. The notes are dark. No happy notes, but this doesn't bother me. In fact, if anything I love the darkness.
I can hear his voice in each letter. Nobody understands my love for him. For Josh. He is the one, my true and only soul mate.
I try to imagine that he is still here with me. Sitting beside me on my bed. We are happy together. Laughing, soaking in
the others love of ourselves.

Memories: Sweet nothings, tears, laughs, bursts of light in this cold dark world.These vanish with a chilling eerie feeling
left behind. I can still feel his soft lips
brush against mine. His white silk like fingers running through my hair. The safe feeling when he held me close to him.
My love, my dear, my Josh. I begin reading the notes. Slowly, so as to digest everyone of his words. Even though he he is
gone, I text him. During my classes, when the pain starts to swell up inside of me, to where I can't bear it. I just call
his cell phone, so I can hear his message. I pray to God that his parents won't cancel his phone, at least not yet.

Pain: Feeling the coldness close in around you. Anticipating your end. Knowing it is drawing near, yet not realizing that
it engulfs all of you and forces you into an early end. The days have ever so slowly trudged by since my love left me
alone on this earth. I Have friends, but they don't understand my pain. They, yes, try to comfort me, but it never works.
I have been sent to a shrink, but I hate it. They wanted to admit me to a loony bin. Never, I won't ever go there.

End: Realizing what you feared most is drawing in. Death becoming firmly planted on your body. Your thoughts slow with every
slow beat of your worn heart. Day by day the pain will slowly disappear, they say. They are wrong, this will never end.
He won't let me forget about him,and I won't. I can't stay at my school for more than an hour or two. Every hallway,
classroom, stair, and day brings back sweet memories of him and me together.

Dreams: A fantasy you subconsciously hope will come true. But without a shadow of a doubt you know it won't. Not knowing
what you fear, nor knowing what you really want. When you can no longer deal with reality, they are there to lend a
helping hand! To live with these daily is hard enough. But to face them daily haunts my already unstable dreams.