Begging God

As I remember so long ago; I struggled to deal with pain only my heart could know.

As he lay there facing death unafraid, I stood there holding his hand, begging god to spare him the pain.

They asked of me not to cry to show him my strength, but when i stood there that day the tears came down like rain.

As I sat in the chapel, asking god of only one thing, to spare his life and take mine instead for it would cause less pain.

Now wondering back to his room to ask of him to hold on, everyone looked at me like I had done something wrong.

As the words came out of their mouths, I was oblivious to their meaning, wondering why god had failed me and had taken him on this day.

Not knowing that I had seen him on that cold and harsh day and not knowing that he had heard me begging god to spare all his pain.

Sometimes I hoped I could forget the way he looked as he layed on that bed not letting go just yet.

Now i realize how precious this memory is to me. As the stars shine bright through the night sky I see him smiling down at me; so alive and free, knowing that I had begged God to just leave him be.

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