Pretending

Everyday i wake up
get on the bus
go to school
and go into class

At recess i laugh
and pretend to have fun
i repeat this everyday
ill never be done

this isn't what i feel
this isn't really me
the person you see happy
is only who i want to be

that is my dream
to have a life like yours
all my life is
are two big closed doors

i hate this so much
I'm sick of my life
i spend my spare time
trying to stay away from a knife

i just want to be happy
is that really so much to ask?
please..
is it that much of a task?

i don't want to be like this
i want to be free
this isn't fair
why is this happening to me?

i have so many questions
in my one head
do i want to live?
or do i want to be dead?

what did i do to deserve this?
Ive done nothing wrong
why am i the one suffering?
why have i been in pain for so long?

will i ever be happy?
will my scars fade away?
will my wounds ever heal?
hopefully, someday

but even if they don't
i will still live on
keep living this lie i lead
and pretend nothing is wrong