No Return Policy

by Rolo   Aug 9, 2005


I'm a coward, a liar, a loser, and a fake
Everything I'm given is more than I can take
At the age of 16, my life has just begun
But the coward deep within wishes it were done

I lock myself away, I'm afraid of what I'll do
I don't trust myself while I'm facing you
Inside I'm drowning, feeling so alone
How can I tell you all that I've known

The story isn't happy, it's a tale of my past
Bestowing memories that will forever last
Haunting my dreams, always on my mind
This burden keeps the present entwined

My tainted soul was selfish and torn
I attempted to erase the day I was born
With weakness and pity, I turned away
No one was told, I didn't wish to stay

I ran into the bathroom, razor in hand
Took a deep breath, it wasn't well planned
Slashed through my skin in a motion so swift
Attempting to return a God given gift

I realized I had missed, I went for it once more
Just then my dad burst through the door
It all fades to black, and just adds to the pain
Now I'm left living with nothing to gain

Ashamed and alone is the devastation I feel
I cannot tell anyone for this attempt was real
Not meant for attention, only to disappear
From everything I hate and everything I fear

I'm stuck in this zone with myself to depend
I haven't the strength nor courage to lend
Hating myself with each passing day
Wishing, forever wishing this would all go away

But wishes fade away, and dreams slowly die
Stealing my passion and reason to try
Here I'll remain as my wounds forever bleed
Because the coward in me could not succeed

This life of mine is sacred, it cannot be returned
It's God's way of telling me death must be earned
I'll go through life's maze, always slightly twisted
Hoping in the end, I will find that I existed

~rolo

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  • 18 years ago

    by Once an Angel

    Wow! Another amazing one! But amazing isn't even close to being a strong enough word. You have just written my autobipgraphy on paper, and posted it up for all to see. The I in the story my have been you, but it also fits perfectly as me. Powerful and beautiful and amazing as always. Thankyou for posting.

    -Mikochan

  • 19 years ago

    by .

    ....omfg i have chills lol your poems...are so good i cant even explain it! your deffinately on my favorites list..wow great job 5/5 for sure!
    Becky
    xoxo

  • 19 years ago

    by undying blusher

    Amazing...I mean really...amazing. I can relate to parts of it, and I think I know what you mean...I've felt some of that...and it's really deep and revealing...

    "This life of mine is sacred, it cannot be returned
    It's God's way of telling me death must be earned
    I'll go through life's maze, always slightly twisted
    Hoping in the end, I will find that I existed"

    I'm glad you realized that...you have an incredible talent and a good heart and a very creative, original mind. Don't ever give up.

    I really hope things are getting better for you...I'm sure you've heard this plenty of times before...but I'm always here if you need someone to listen or talk...I know being "alone" is a feeling that's hard to erase even when you're not really alone...I guess you are alone in your mind and there are secrets you have and tell no one so no one can be there to help or support or comfort you...I'm glad you can at least come out with some things in your poetry...honesty is important...and you have it...

    Take care of yourself.

    Truly,
    undying blusher
    xxx

    P.S. Did I mention it's amazing? ;)

  • 19 years ago

    by JJ

    Outstanding job, from the beginning to the end. I read some of your other poems and you have amazing talent. Keep writing!

    JJ

  • 19 years ago

    by Not Bulletproof

    I love this. Don't tell me it's a mess, cos it's perfection. It's about two million times better than anything I could write, and you'll see when you get a million 5's and end on the top rated. <3

    Fav stanza:
    "But wishes fade away, and dreams slowly die
    Stealing my passion and reason to try
    Here I'll remain as my wounds forever bleed
    Because the coward in me could not succeed"

    But the end was really freaking awesome too. Great write Britt, I mean it.

    On a personal note, I hope you never try again, and I want you to know, you're not a coward for not succeeding, you're brave for facing this life now, the coward you was the one who tired to escape. <3 I love you Britt, so much more than you'll ever know, and I'm here for you every step of the way on this path of life. I promise. And I love you so much. <3 This poem is awesome and I hope you never end up leaving me, not untill we're old and grey...better days are on their way my dear. Just hold on. <3 xoxoxox

    -Mortalidaga
    xxTakeCareBabyxx

    <3

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