The poem was well written, had great flow in the words and was also very touching, great job.

The only thing I'd "change" is the fact that it's all in one lump, try deviding the lines in to paragraphs, would make it easier to read.

Best wishes,
Patrik

This is beautifully written. I wouldn't change a thing. It's well structured with powerful emotion.
Sarah x

OMG.. that was so sad.. i lykd the rhyming and the flow.. ur words wer deep and touching.. i jus din lyk those lines: would hold you close forever more.
be your nursemaid, mother, friend and wh**e.
i din think it fit in with the mood of ur poem.. but its jus opinions..
hope u'll work it out with Malik
take care
nouna

thx for the comment and im doing just fine :) i should be commpletly over my bell's palsy in a few more days:)
loved this poem great wrk5/5

This poem was written a long time ago about my first love....i had to put it up on this site as he is the only man i have ever REALLY loved...hope y'all know wat i mean.

Hey, that's very touching. I liked the bitter-sweet feeling it gave off. And the brave sadness in it sounded very good.

Good Writing!
beth