I was already dead

I know its wrong to watch someone die,
but what if i all i need to do,
is swallow one more pill?
the pain inside is amplified
when i look around the room.
torn wallpaper falls from the walls
but all i see is blood.
my eyes feel heavy,
my body feels numb.
the pain is gone,
my open wounds are healed.
no more blood,
I'm filled with bliss.
screams of pain fill my head,
the room starts spinning,
in a rush all my pain comes flowing through my body,
every limb feels they r being torn off,
my heart being ripped,
i open my mouth to scream
but i choke on the dry taste of lust.
the room stops spinning,
i see the bottle
should i take this as i sign?
my shaky hands grab the bottle,
i fight to open the lid
with a "pop" pills fly across the room
scattered around the room,
i dizzily pick up the ones closest to me,
popping them in my mouth like nothing,
i grab the empty bottle,
disappointed they didn't work.
my eyes roll back,
my body hits the floor,
i was already dead!