A man called dave

Hey i wrote this poem after reading the Dave pelzer books. so its based on how he might have felt.
its pretty long so sorry bout that.

i did anything i could to try and gain your approval.
yet it's just a battle i can't win
doesn't matter how hard i try.
I'm always told I'm a nobody.

even though I've heard the same words over and over
they seem to sting even more this time.
they sliced me to the core
deeper than that time you stabbed me.

my morale was so low i wished you would kill me.
i even tried to provoke you to do so
but all i got was another beating
not the end i desired

what made me so different from them?
my so called brothers who you loved.
why was i the target of all your rage?
what did i do to deserve it?

you treated animals better than you treated me
they were always fed when i was not
we went from being the happy family
to this, me nothing more than your slave!

my humiliation was not only at home
you forced it at school as well.
you made sure all i had to wear was basically rags
i was despised and hated because of you.

all i wanted was to hear those three simple words
i love you.
yet for some reason you could not manage that
yet you always said you wished i would die.

my father tried to help me
but in the end you controlled him to.
he was once my hero
now he is just a drunken wreck
a shell of what was before.

He moved out.
Left me with you
And all the while he knew what you were like
So much for my superman.
You destroyed my hero!

The abuse just wouldn't stop
Sometimes I couldn't even stand after
And for you that was just part of your game.
Your sick twisted game.

I wasn't even a teenager when I wanted to end my life.
I thought if I did you and my father would be alright.
But I knew it was not true
So I hung on.
Anyway to stop you from winning!

I tried to be good for you
But you always said I was bad
That I deserved what I got
Even when you held my arm over the kitchen stove.

You brainwashed me back then
Filled my head with excuses to everyone about the marks
I was always forced to take your c**p
I was left hollow inside.

My childhood was not carefree
Instead I was forced to live a nightmare
I might have continued this endless cycle
If it was not for the help I got.
If it was not for my rescue.

I hated you for so many years
I felt I could never forgive you
But now at your funeral I do
After all everything happens for a reason.
Perhaps what happened to me happened to you.

But what really keeps me going now
Is the love from my son
Love that I never got from you
But which me and him give freely.

I feel I have proven, I’m not a no body
I have proven my worth
I am helping others with a similar past
Where as your hatred consumed you to your death.

My name is no longer ‘it’ or ‘the boy’
My name is David.
I’m a survivor.
Unlike you I broke the cycle of abuse.