Wow i really understand wat your going for in this poem! ur good at writing keep it up! these are the kinda poems that you replace lyke you and him..with cat n mouse..even tho it sounds different it still gets thru to peoples heads! your really good!

This isnt as good as your new work but the metaphor you used here is insanly brilliant....like really your a very creative person 5/5

Interesting comparison, try not to repeat too much, keep it up