No one else can See

Only god knows the thoughts in my mind,
The one who knows the answers I’ll find,
No one else can point and say,
You’re not meant to live, not this day,

I hurt and I bleed,
The temptation I must feed,
With a sharp knife or razors edge,
I’ll sit and cut on the end of my bed,

I wish now I didn't throw out,
The tools I had lying about,
They were my safety walls,
Protecting me from every fall,

But tonight I will fetch again,
Those tools I threw thinking I would gain,
A happier life without scars,
Lifting this depression and self harm,

People don’t understand the way I feel,
They think I’m always depressed and will never heal,
They don't know what goes each waking second,
From dark to light I’m growing fonder,

All I want to do is cry and abuse,
The people who have only just used,
My true friendship offered right,
Not some crumpled pathetic fight,

You all think you’re so great,
But I can't wait till you see your fate,
Like I see and hear the voices,
Telling me my life’s choices,

Every where I turn dark pictures appear,
They'd frighten the least feared,
Every corner I turn,
I’m afraid of what I may just learn,

I think I’m going mental although,
No one else can honestly point this and not know,
What really goes on inside a broken body?
That would be fake not being able to the real me,

And the pain I live by that no one else can see.

©Samantha Jayne Reed
Wrote on August 21st, 2005