What did I do?

I only smile,
Because I'm sick of crying.
I only cry,
Because I'm sick of smiling.

People used me,
They use to abuse me.
They shot me down,
Made me feel unsound.

For years I forgot,
For years I hurt a lot.
I didn't know why I hurt,
Then I remembered the disgusting pervert.

The one who took from me,
The one who forced me to agree.
How could you hurt me like that?
How could you make me feel like a door mat?

I was only five,
And you made me cry.
I cry myself to sleep,
because you've made me feel so cheap.

The memories return,
And they make me yearn.
Yearn to see you,
So I can hurt you too.

I forbid myself to shed one more tear,
No longer will I live in fear.
What did I do to deserve it?
Why this did you have to commit?

Why did you pick me?
This I ask and plea.
Plea that I know,
So that I can grow.

I'm seventeen,
Yet I've never seen a day of a teen.
First you took,
Then I got crook.

I was stuck as a child,
At least then I smiled.
Now my mind is adult,
And I take it as an insult.

I'm stuck in time,
Because you committed this unlawful crime.
I have a memory of you on top,
And me begging you to stop.