Fantasy

I am always sad,
(My entire life, emptiness
In my stomach, in my mind)
I am always in pain,
(Sometimes bodily, always emotional
It doesn't have to be food or drink I lack
Many times, just holding my arms against her skin
A feeling of monumental happiness
I'm embarrassed, to be so broken
by years' difference in our lives)
I feel like a little boy,
lost in a , loving embrace
kill the dragon, get the damsel
she'll love me all her life,
but we feed our children lies,
unless I missed my happy ending,
I lack perfection,
The ability to be good enough,
The will to do enough
I don't know how to prove myself
Lost in shadow I lie awake
stock-still and terrified
of the creatures of the night
never trusting, never cared about
I feel I have no protection
I used to want to be one
A creature of the night
A vampire in particular
Will I eat this week
Can I hide myself against this
The opposition fell, gave up on the walls
I repair and rebuild, never do I trust again
never will my walls break again
one person holds the key, me and her eternity
(I'm dreaming a dream aren't I
of boys and horses and swords and knights,
hoping I'm a part of that
as if I really could save myself)