Better Days

You stood by me through thick and thin
out of all the other kids
you chose me
and for that i was grateful
you showed me the true meaning of life
what it was to love or hate
you taught me to be a better person
and to at least give people a chance
we grew up side by side
made too many memories to count
we shared each others heartache and pain
suffered through each others tears and fears
lent our shoulders to comfort
did not care if our shirts got soaked from crimson tears
we had our fights
but nothing to ever break us
until the day
you sacrificed me for him
you ripped my heart in two
and left me standing there alone
i never did completely understand why
i never thought it would happen
best friends forever is what you always told me
i am scarred from the day i watched you walk away from me
hand in hand with the one
the one that tore us apart
he was the one that i blamed
for my ruined life
i made myself believe
that the scars upon my wrists and throat
and the words engraved into my skin
were all his fault
until the day
that i saw you laughing and smiling
like you used to with me
one crimson tear
fell hard to the ground
everything around me froze where it was
time stood still
echoing voices inside of my head
the voices of you and me
in better days
i finally realized
in spite of all my hatred for you both
that if i could not make you happy anymore
why not let someone else?
i wanted to tell you
and beg you to forgive me too
but i was afraid
afraid of what you might say
so i kept my thoughts to myself
bottled up inside
each day, memories of us in the better days played through my bleeding mind
gnawed at my dead insides
i found comfort in a blade
the adrenaline rushed through my tingling body
a pill for every second i thought of you
the smell of vodka on top of my breath
i tried to hide
hide from everything
but there was one thing i could never hide from
\'no matter what happens in our lives, we will be best friends forever...i promise\'
the words you once told me were falling down to the pit of my stomache
along with my heart
i will never ever forget the times we spent together
laughing at nothing and always smiling
it has been a hard and rough road
filled with rocky bumps
and dusty backroads
so travel it wisely my friend
carry the presence with you
and if you can find it in you
to come upon the sign
that will tell you...
i completely forgive you
then come back to me
and tell me
that you forgive me too
and then together we can go back to
the better days

© Jenna Elphick
August 23, 2005