Guilt Appeased

I have been waiting a lifetime to do this one thing,
to set aside all the fright, and look at the new world, this would bring.
I have fought too long and hard to turn back,
and now it is time, that remains my only slack.
I have thought it out, every word I should say,
even if I do not like him, my conviction will not stray.
Every waking night, milling over the conversation in my head,
with hours to go, my fingers sweat with a certain dread.
My throat tightens, but it’s not from the flight I foresee,
but it’s the thought of how closely, he would resemble me.
Will he hate me if I told him the real reason, we had to part,
or would he see the love I have, for him in my heart?
I have prayed and hoped, that this would finally come to an end,
hoping that if not a mother, I could be a close friend.
The time ticks on with delay, being the master,
hoping that seeing my son for the first time in years, will not become a disaster.
Everyone said I had to do this for him, to get a better life,
that I could not cope with a child, and my drug infused strife.
I knew I did it all for the right reasons I can see,
just get me past this flight, and be guilt free.
The Speaker just said the fight was delayed for another hour,
maybe I should go walk by the tower.
To find some relief in this time of stress,
maybe this is the wrong blouse, it should have been a dress?
The hour passes on and we finally board, and I am off to see my son,
and I hope to God, I can heal the pain that I have done.
Time in the air, I think flies as fast as the plane,
for as we touch down, the mood of the weather matches mine, with pouring rain.
Into the airport hoping to see a glimpse of his face,
but to my disappointment, I see no trace.
No poster to say here mother, or welcome, or anything like that,
not even a warm howdy, from a crawling rat.
I hate this, my son has told me he doesn’t want me, because he is no where in sight,
but to my surprise, I feel arms around my waist, holding me tight.
Thank you God for all this you have done for me,
for you have given way to my hearts plea.
“I Love you, and I have so much to say.”
“Mom, shhhh we have all night, and all day.”
A tear is shed for the family, that I thought I would never have again,
for God has brought me my son, and now, let our happiness begin.

Written By
Robert Lee Niswander
Copyright 2005