The End(nothing matters)

Covering my head,
Hiding my face, no one can see,
Burying myself behind my defenses,
closing myself off totally.

Emotionally detached from the world,
My physical self is all that remains,
Like a corpse walking aimlessly,
No soul left, no will to fight.

Struggling to continue,
Yet trying my best,
Only admitting truth now,
It took me over 15 years.

Lies are all so bitter, without sweet,
Making webs, like spiders homes,
Getting all tangled and sticky,
Finally ending in a mess.

Surrounded by images, just like dreams,
Reality causing a pain,
Black and blue, covering bruises,
That night mare was real.

Using pain as a release, a control,
Bringing adrenaline to remember I'm alive,
To let me feel, anything but numb,
To help me breath,not just gasp.

Dragged out from under my feet,
My life pulled away when born,
It wont even matter in the end,
Nothing will then. . .

© Copyright J.A.