Death mocks me

There has only been
One or two people
who have seen my worst moments
Who have seen me lose ever thing.

I know they saw the second i almost gave up
almost left
to be with my loved ones

I know they saw in that second,
in my eyes,
me ponder a way out.
They saw through the tears

Death Is something i can't handle.
Something that loves to tear me apart.
And those people just hug me
and make sure i am ok.

My great-grandpa (I was 3)
people think his death didn't effect me
but they didn't know
he was my best friend

That was the first time i wanted to die.

My grandpa (I was 10 or 11)
my family didn't think
that i knew him enough to be hurt
but one or two of my friends knew better
My world came down.
While i was trying to build it

Came crashing down on me
but didn't kill me
that was another time i wanted to die.

My great-grandma(I was 12)
This hit me the worse
of everything
I never thought she would die
She was the only reason i stayed before

my world that was barely up
came down again
and this time i nearly died
and i just sat in the rubble

all that was left of my childishness died.
my smiles disappeared
all i saw for months were tears.

I am still mourning.

My cousin (I was 13)
5 months later
while my family was still down
we got kicked in the head
why does death mock us

she was only 18!
it wasn't natural
her death still a mystery

My few friends stayed by my side though all of this
Thank you
I own you everything