So at the end of school there was this plan
This plan for me to reveal my feelings to someone
I told maybe two people and soon even the grade elevens knew.
And I thought about this planned revealing, uhm, do I want to get shone?
My friends were trying to cheer me on and get on with the plan.
Not only was I not going through with it
But this was really ticking me off
A months time into the summer
And after consistently being told it was now a bad idea
I stopped thinking about her.
I completely turned it all around.
There was this other one
Who had always been there
And whom I was utterly honest with
Without a doubt
We weren’t talking to each other on the last couple days of school,
and only talking online during summer
We made up over-time, and everything seemed to be better
I liked this one more than anyone I’ve ever liked.
And by the second month of summer,
I missed her so much it just ached.
So I saw her at one point and stayed at her place.
My heart was beating so hard when I first saw her.
After not seeing her for a month in person
And after making myself believe certain things
And having my perspective change so drastically
I basically just thought differently when we hung out
Like maybe why I’ve been thinking about her so much lately,
is because I missed her.
I think it finally clicked into me after so long;
I don’t have a chance, and I knew it all along,
but I never will, so why am I still hanging on?
Maybe I just got tired of loving someone,
who doesn’t love me back.
My other friends said it was a sad story,
to see someone love someone else so much,
and have them not love you back.
Maybe that finally got to me.
I still think about her so much though
Still think about how at one time,
recently, she meant the world to me.
Still think that even though I have ignorant friends who call her ugly,
I think she is one of the most beautiful people,
that I have ever met.
She won’t ever hurt me like she doesn’t even know she has
And I won’t ever cry over her more than any friend I ever have
I will always think she is amazing,
and I’ll care for her to the same extent
It finally got through to me
that I can’t have this.
It doesn’t even matter how much I want her
I know not to get jealous,
and I know to behave like a friend.
I don’t look at her as anything else,
except a friend.
