Hate of Self

I feel alone
Like there is no other
My temper is shown
I don't even bother.
I want to die
But then I think
Doing that would be selfish
Peoples hearts would sink.
But I really am hating
Everything I knew
Everyone I thought I liked
None of the friendships grew.
Instead they all cut off
Ignored me as it came
So I sit here all alone
Cutting and ashamed.
My arm does display dark marks
From the depression that struck
And how I cry myself to sleep
I can only handle so much.
I am too much of a perfectionist
Though I am far from
I hate my self image
I hate everything that comes.
I have thought about starving myself
I just wish to be thin
But after so long without
I always give in.
I just want to be pretty
But the make-up cant hide
Every line and mess-up
Behind these dark eyes.
For once I just wish
I didn't have to hide it
That I could tell you this
Then leave behind it.
This writing doesnt get it all out
As much as I love to believe
It just makes me hate myself more
To not want to be me.