Beautiful disgrace

I look in the mirror, what do I see?
Everything I swore I would never be.
My blood runs cold staring back at my face
Looking at this beautiful disgrace
Maybe if I close my eyes ill disappear
Hide away from the thing I fear
There is something beneath my skin
In my soul, the darkest sin
Cursing the mirror I slowly walk away
this is my routine day after day
Nobody really notices within me lies pain
Blocked out so many years ago but have risen once again
You did it, admit it
You stole my innocence
Took away my skins radiance
Wipe that smug smile of your face
or ill do it for you, and ill leave no trace
I cant tell the difference between the truth and the lies
F**k defining them, just let me die
How many times can I give in
how many times can I let you win
go on scream at me
Refuse to let me be
Beat me till I'm black and blue
go on, you know you want to
What is this emotion slowly being built?
Hmm... let me think is it guilt?
are you f**king happy now?
you managed to f**k me up even more- how?

all rights reserved, © Laurène Ferguson 2005