My everyday feeling..

I don't remember a time I was happy
I don't remember a time I didn't fake a smile
I don't remember a time I was myself
What I wouldn't do to get those times back
What I wouldn't do just to remember
It's been so long
It's all lost in time
I don't know who I am anymore
I'm all alone
Cold
Forgotten
Is a 17 year old suppose to act like this? think like this?
Oh well right?
There's nothing you can do
I watch as everyone watches me
As I fall apart and turn to dust before their very eyes
They may think I'm okay on the outside but on the inside
Nobody knows, nor do they want to know
Fear of what they might find
I know they'll think I'm a monster
I'm just another teen statistic
Suicide always on my mind
I know it's not the right way out
Why does it feel so right?
Once again I question myself
Why? How? When?
These feelings and thoughts eat me alive but don't kill me
I look into my reflection in my blade
I won't let go
Not until I see my crimson river flow
Why have I sunk so low?
I guess neither I or anyone else will know
That's my life though
Nothing more than just one big black warp full of questions
The feeling of rejection from the world
The sadness and loneliness
Knowing no one will understand
I'll never be able to fight my everyday feeling