I don't know where to run to
I can't seem to forget you
My life is going no where fast
My only enemy is my damn past
I burn and cut myself, you don't know how it feels
These are scars that get worse when it heals
the words "i hate this world" are not true
i just hate myself, i ain't sure anymore on what to do
but i want to survive, honestly i do
and i do constantly still think about you
and i know that time is gone and so am i
and i know that it now is OK to cry
but you aren't coming back and you forgotten me
you told me you wouldn't, but I'm not that blind to see
and i do want to be a teacher, i want to succeed
and i want to heal, i don't want to bleed
and i want to stop, i really want to
but i don't know how to make gray skies blue
and i want to smile and i want to write
and i want to honestly say "I am alright"
and i want to apologize to the people that don't like me
and i want to say i love you to them, even though they are my family
but then I'm left with hurtful words from the ones i love
but then I'm left with ones leaving to the heavens above
but then I'm slipping and falling back down
but now it's dark, nobody is around
what do i do with my body so cold?
what do i do when I'm ready to unfold?
who do i go to? YOU DON'T care
do i just stand and wait there?
I really can't believe you've forgotten me that easily
I guess you're 2-faced...it is not that pleasing
You saved me but now you're gone
and now i think how am i to get along?
i want to give up, here's my white flag
I'll wipe off my scars and blood with a rag
i thought i couldn't do this without you
but now here's something i got to do
i loved you but now i don't
and if i am going to give up because of you? I WON'T
but i still care about you and i always will
but my heart is empty with a place to fill
but i want a piece of happiness too
but i want this but i want you
and I'm tired of waiting and waiting
and I'm tired of the butterflies and anticipating
and i want to smile and really mean it
and i want to be happy no matter who I'm with
and I'm going to make it through
and I'm living not because of you
and i will grow to love myself
and i will get out of this broken home to some wealth
and i will write and i will teach
and i will practice in what i preach
and i will learn to love again
and i will turn away from a dead end
and if i fall down i will get back up
and if I'm wrong, i still won't shut up
and I'm going to make it to the end of the day
and I'm going to be OK
and I'm going to be happy without you
and i will have someone else to run to
*I don't know what to believe but here is what i think: you had me care about you, well i just did. You moved away and said you will be there well where are you? exactly, YOU'RE NOT, and i hate crying. i miss you so much and i would love to talk to you again but i guess this doesn't matter to you, i guess it was nothing, i guess it WAS N-O-T-H-I-N-G....and u wanna be honest? it was so funny because my friends would just say stupid things about you or ask stupid questions and i made you sound like freaking famous because I CARE ABOUT YOU, i would tell people how cool u were and awesome and u ain't like the other teachers. I told them i recovered from YOUR HELP and they appreciated you so much and i did so much for you. I got screamed at by guidance because i didn't want to tell them how we talked, instead i cursed and argued for like 15 minutes. I never gave up because of you and now I'm back at step one...i don't understand*
