I love the style and idea of it, but it could use a little work, nothing big, just a quick re-read through and tighten up a few things. No worries though, you've got it.

Lol good job! you always write really great poems noni! keep up the good work! :0)

Wow.
you've definately improvd but im still enjoying your older pieces.

5/5
~Emah