As a whole I think this poem was very good. In the last line of the third stanza you misspelled 'does,' as you typed it 'dose.' I don't know if you should censor the "s**t" at the beginning like you censored the "f**k," but if it didn't get you stuck in the explicit section then I guess you're fine. The only line that really bothered me was the last line of the fifth stanza; you really changed the structure of the sentence to make it rhyme, which is a pet peeve of mine.

I thought that the alternating rhythm in the first stanza as an interestng way to go, but you didn't really stick with it throughout the poem. You did a pretty good job with your ABAB pattern, although I already mentioned the one time I thought the rhyme scheme messed up the poem a bit. Good work.

Wow thats amiazing... I had to read it twice cause it was so good...
Thanx for commenting on my poem, Its nice to know that the poem got to you;)
Love,
Line

Good rhyming except for the last stanza. Not much else to say but I don't feel this to be as good as some of your others. I'm going with 4 because the rhyme scheme seemed to change in the last stanza. but good job anywho

Alot better then the last one that I read...5/5...But I feel like you should maybe try a 3 line structure at least once, I have a feeling you would do quiet well...

Good work jamie...

3rd line 4th stanza...seems kinda forced...and there were at least 2 other spots also....but only slightly...5/5

Yeah what happened was....i wrote the poem and then a few days later opened it wrote one last stanza without reading through the poem so i had forgotten about the rhyme scheme cause im normally not into abab more abcb but i did notice that but i was too lazy to change it and i liked the way the last stanza rung lol but thanks!! i know it was kinda a throw off hehe

No that's not mean thats perfectly okay i agree with you it is rather a boring poem but it is almost perfect way of wording my feelings at the time...painful to me...boring to others....thanks for the honesty really

Bad feeling, but good writing..

"Im so numb anyhow"

anyhow doesnt seem to fit, in my opinion.. although i cant see it fitting anywhere; i guess its just my opinion..

"Or pretend me you never knew"

this is confusing and seems forced,.. maybe a typo or just an idea that came out construed,.. i dunn0.. "pretend like you never knew me" might have been the intended message, but then it wouldnt fit the rhyme scheme.. i dont think you should bend your work like this,.. i know i do it myself at times, but if the idea doesnt fit the rhyme scheme, rewrite it in a totally different way that doesnt seem so forced.. just my thoughts.. good job on the whole th0.. pZ out

Not your best, sorry, but I am in love with the fourth paragraph...just wow.

Sheena