Crippled (Very long)

I saw her turn down your photograph
In tears again
I know she feels just like I do
If I become a hero and die in this pit
Would I be up to the task of eating dinner where you sit
Things can't be perfect all the time
That I know
We all have to let these things go

Burned up my insides today over a laugh
It was just fears and a friend
I went out to the cemetery feeling blue
By myself and I really did feel like ****
To me your heart is still beating
And I feel my heart split
If it were anything else I'd call it a crime
These things I keep bestowed
But I have to let these things go

What did I say, I told you I can't!
I'm trying to stop crying but no good
I can't stand my own image in the mirror.
I see you in everything I do.
It's all in the past and it's been four years since
It's raining outside, and I feel inside your soul
The heavens are breaking down on me
I cry till they have to restrain me
and I'll scream till I bleed

Like that pointless phase called vapor
Or the victim who can kill the raper
So here's the truth
I won't live up to your name
I know I can't and sometimes we just have to remember what we can do.
I stopped trying long ago
And that's why I know
I give up on trying to see
What's not in my sight
Thats why I can't live with me
I know it's not right

Everyday speeds by faster and faster
And it's all coming down faster than my hopes on a summer Sunday sunset
I waited up for you
I wasted my life trying to impress
What couldn't be more stressed
Nothing to be something you're proud about
And I quickly realized it and I had no doubts

A wandering ghost to hover over my bed at night
Your face pale and white
I hear the foot steps to let me know you're dead
Your sobs pass over my head.

You sit in the basement tonight
And if we don't find you, you're out like a light
And I search and you're right where I can't see
You're right in front of me.

Maybe I'm just spacing out again
Or is it that I just lost another friend
If you're clever enough you'll see
That they're all here honestly

Can you feel me walking through you
Can you see me at all?
Can you hear me screaming your name
Are you letting them know...
Can you sense me striking up this flame
You can say I came

I close my eyes and I see you all
Standing at my drive way
When I know this can't be a dream
I tell myself that I'm insane
But I can't be because I want to
I jump out the window, so I can cut through the house.
For the first time in four years
I stare you down right in the eyes again
And I know I love you
I go to hug you and then I know.
You're not here to stay

I will not say one thing
I won't say that I'm sorry.
I hug you somehow and I know you know
But it is time for you to go.
Goodbye.
I try to keep myself together the eternal 2 second walk up the stairs
But I lose myself in a maze of labyrinth in my mind
I hear your foot steps
Is it all in my head again.
Or are you back till the end.
Put away your gun and tell me you're here forever
Nobody can tell me wrong
Not even a line to your song.
But unfortunately I'm wrong again.
They came crashing down on you.
You were the best they had
you were my hero and I love you more every day and I know it's sad
But for us, stay strong dad.