Excellent poem.

This was horrible incident to a life of a budding female (if I speak literally), but all the same, if I visualize it into another angle, I still see grieve and loss of a dreams, a reputation and womanhood mal-treated from the hard coarse risk of life. You came up with a true account here or say a picture perfected from your mind with slight usage of metaphors, and was able to convey efficiently the message to your readers in the lightest of words that doesnt necessitate high literature. Too touchy, hair-raising. I was struck with an awe. -Cynthia
PS---Oh by the way, I came up with a new account as this (from Cynthia Aluning) for some reasons better off left unsaid. Thanks to your previous comments and ratings then. All the poems are still intact and the same and will post them here as days pass.---ditto

This is an awesome poem. You make a great imagery in your writing. 5/5
-Vino

I really enjoyed this, especially the contrast between the two differing points of view of each character, each unable to empathise with or see the other's point of view. We none of us can escape ourselves and are in the end truly alone -- it's beautiful!

A winner for sure.
The paced of the poem is smooth, it takes you the world of the lines made, one by one.

A masterpiece for sure.

That's so good. It makes so much sense!

They are young, beautiful gods, full of light and combustible energy,

I was stuck on that line for a good 45 seconds. I think that may be the best descriptive line I've on this site and I have to admit a pang of jealousy that is, naturallt accompanied by awe.

Wow..gary...i guess i never read this one, i saw the title and had to read it ,and when i did i was even more suprised...its so, powerful. i could imagine it all in mind, almost like something emotionally i had gone through and also, the line "They are young, beautiful gods, full of light and combustible energy" really caught me, very enhancing and strong. loved it, as always with your work, comment mine when you can ~

wolfy

I loved this peice. maybe because it was so un-usual. i thought the srat was fantasic.the second stanza was very different but somehow very real. this abstracted poem relates to many people in many different ways. cool man
5/5

And comment on mine when you have the time.
thanks

jack

This left me wanting more. wonderful!

It is very unique, I am impressed. Very good imagery; these are my favorite lines:
-The girl walks away,
leaving him
sitting on the warm bricks,
the blood flowing down his chin,
staining his virgin white shirt
the colour of rotted berries.-
Great job, it deserves more then 5/5

Greatly written poem, breath- taking and so original and unique. The second stanza is my favorite. Whole piece has amazingly captivating imagery.
5/5 from me

An imaginary experience of death by the inflictor and the witness. Brilliantly testing the imagination of the reader.

Awsom read mate..