Monkey on my back

Like a dangerous lover, the chemical takes it's toll on the unsuspecting. what was once a relationship bred from pure ecstacy, now resolves itself into a downward spiral of the sorts.
too cut up, the substance - or lover, if you will - seems to be wavering, lessening in quality.
now dirty and unwanted, but required, the two hold hands in a deadlocked tryst.
blood no longer flows from the heart.
self-destruction is imminent, but not actuated. breach, though, it does the cusp of our cognizance, like the hope held just below the surface, on the very tip of narcotic tongue.

too smothered and suffocated, the affected chokes, and blows smoke for all around to consume. but to no avail; help is ever so elusive to those in the soporific hold of a loaded gun,
possessing neither will nor trigger.

the situation is viewed in third person, played out and realized by the conciousness writhing within and between.
devoid of identity(everyone of us could call it our own), we begin to find ourselves. a shiver twists up a spine, then like a bolt of lightning, cracks in a quick succession of gasps. your inner core, soft, vulnerable and damaged, grows warmer by the touch. the walls you've built are shocked, thriving with energy.

and so, beauty has taken on many forms, but never like with you before. in such moments that one may grieve a loss, in this case, grievances fall upon deaf, dead ears. the walls are only conceptual, created at one's desire, and the drugs are only superficial, a metaphor for our death wish, which seldom is granted to the pure and supported, such as you of the likes,..

beauty incarnate, hatred suffused.
happiness haunted - this isnt the truth

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Interpretations welcome and greatly appreciated. sorry for the length, but it really has no form. i wrote this spur of the moment, putting the ideas in my head onto the paper in a fluent way.. hopefully its not too chaotic to be appreciated.. this was written all the way thru with no break, so take it for what it is.. and also.. i dont really know where to put it.. ?? - pZ