Did you make this ureself? It's amazing!!! great job and its an awesome, awesome poem!

As always i loved iit, I really like all Your poetry you really know how to write.U have a talent kid keep writing:*
takee care:*

joliee

This is a good poem but i wouldnt say neccesarily lyrics. Its got basic concepts but they match your ideas and the structure was well done. Good use of grammar, and my only advice I can think of is to move outside the box and create some new ideas and explore them.
Good Work.
Peace

I liked this, i didnt love it, i wont lie and say it was awesome, it wasnt. But it was very good, the title seemed too blunt. I thought it was pretty good.
xxxxxxxx

Ok Overall good poem. =]

Few Errors/Suggestions,.

And have you ever tried to help,
Her lone and broken hert,*Heart*
And have you ever tried to help,
Get her to the start?(-this line makes no sense to me... sorry)

And have you ever seen,
How much her heart can take?
*i think it'd sound better as can't, not can*

But can't find her way,
She tried*tries?.. (unless thats foreshadowing..)* to live,
Everyday.

Lastly- ithink the ending couldve been more dreamatic. ithinkthat makeing the last line a little longer and more detailed. it would make it atleast alittle better..

Over all great poem. i loved the story, imagery, and repetition. the tone was wicked cool it reminded me of one of my poems.

Keep it Up.

5|5

x3

x.x:Lauren