by Bradley Peter Sep 15, 2005
category :
Life, society /
meaning of life
When the glowing light leads you astray |
by Lucifer
The first too stanzas are good, but the poem lost its magic in the third stanza. |
I disagree slightly. I think it's the very last four lines that are complete rubbish. I've thought so almost as soon as I'd posted it, but I never edit out my mistakes. This is perhaps my favourite of my poems, and it has been tarnished by those last four lines, and so I keep them there to forever remind me that even a good poem can come off badly with a weak ending, and also that less quality, is far greater than more lack their of. But thank you very much for your comment. |
by mossgirl19
Hi. The poem started so dark that I did not quite anticipate it would end that way. Honestly, the things you have mentioned in the first and second stanzas are more than crazy, they are dreadful and unfortunate. Because you will love an honest comment, I think that lazy and crazy kinda melt the darkness of the piece. I will read the second version though. Besides that, this was undoubtedly a great write. |
by Em
Wow. Captivating from start to finish. Love how you paint darkness in society. |
I really enjoyed the line "And has the seen become unseen". It reminds me of the Narnian spell Lucy recites to "Make the Unseen Seen" :) |
by Areeba
This was an amazing poem (: |