Love or Friendship

As I sit here alone tonight
I think about my old friends
About ones who are here just for today
And ones who were here through thick and thin.

There are friends who will stand by you
No matter what the cause
And others who pop in and out
And don't give a damn about me at all.

Ones who say they will be there
Standing beside me all the time
Never thinking about what they believe in
Despite what is happening in their lives.

Ones who call on me occasionally
With a temporary crisis
Others who will help me through life's rolling of the dices

Ones who stand up to me and tell me that I am wrong
Others who will walk with me up to the stage to sing my pathetic song.

Others who desert me when the going gets too tough
Others who will stand up for me when the tides become so rough

How many friends do you really have? Can you count them on your fingers?
How many walk out on you
When your life is full of danger

I can count my true friend on one of my hands.
Because I am the only friend that my life can stand.

Nobody can look up to me or give me their advice.
My friends do not see how love cuts me like a knife.

They don't see my unhappiness or the tears in my eyes
They don't feel my sadness when I turn out the lights.

These days I feel ever oh so numb
But my friends see me smiling
And they think my life has just begun. They are not the ones whose heart is dying.

I can tell you all day long how my life is so complete
But if you are my true friend
You will see all of my defeat.

I am happy but I am so sad
One day I am optimistic
The next day I am beside myself
Then tomorrow I am too realistic.

Some days I want what is best for her
Other days I want to run
I want to find my one true love
I am longing for some fun

But my friends are not close enough to me to see through my smile
I paint a pretty picture and they think my life is worthwhile.

How I wish I could cry out and make them understand.
I am longing for a romance
And a tender loving man

If my friends cannot see through me - who can I really count on
I just live my life with a fake smile
And the dream of moving on.

What am I doing wrong
My friends just turn the other cheek
Are they just ignoring me
Or do they not believe I am so weak.

Do I portray a sense of power
They don't see my tears
They think I am much stronger
They overlook my fears

How can I reach out to them
And tell them I am a sinking ship
How will I walk up to them
Missing my shoulder's chip

I don't think I can admit
How life is so unkind
I guess I will keep "faking" it
While trying to unwind

One day I will find a best friend
Someone who I will talk to
Someone who will understand
All I am going through

Someone who will support me
And make me feel alive
And help me make the decision
Of how to live my life.

Or maybe I will stay alone
and make my own decisions
And keep on expressing myself
And uncovering all of my visions.